We were supposed to have that talk when I came back from Brussels - the one in which we were going to discuss how our relationship could be 'fixed'.
I have been pondering this - it seems to me there are two questions: how does he propose to 'fix' it, and is it worth 'fixing'?
My friend Kate pointed out a third question: what does he think the problem is?
I know what my answers are:
We don't communciate and we do hardly anything together because we have hardly any interests in common.
How to 'fix' it? By starting to communciate and by trying to make the effort to do things together, I guess.
Is it worth it? That's a definite maybe.
so, armed with this lot, I have to come up with a strategy for this 'talk'.
sunday evening - no, I definitely couldn't face it then - just back from Brussels and we had had a bottle of wine with dinner.
Yesterday - had to take daughter to panto rehearsals, I found him at 8:15 and said did he want to talk then, but I had to go out again in half an hour, he said 'no point then', (though if we kept talking for more than half an hour, that would be a first.)
So this evening - I just got back from my pilates class, daughter is out at a friend's, only the two of us (and the cats, of course) in the house. Found him in the attic watching a tape of the American football from last night.
Me:'Can we have that talk now'
Hubby:'No'
Me: 'Why not?'
Hubby: 'Too tired'
Me:'When are you not going to be too tired?'
Hubby:'Don't know'
Think that 'maybe' is getting a lot more definite (or rather, 'not')
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Can we talk???
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and who is the one who was with me for ten weeks when I was going to my head man? remember all the words we used then?
There is a cutting from the paper I did not share with you
Him to Her : "I took a hard look at my role in this and decided it would be easier for me if you changed"
He is looking to you, as most spoiled men do, for a magic fix. He probably does not know/cannot recognise what is wrong so continually getting on to him to have that "talk" is not going to work because he does not know what he is supposed to talk about.That's why half an bour is not going to be enough because it would take him that long to get his brain in gear.
Why not start with the premise that there is a problem, it may be that you each have different ideas as to what thet problem is, but become more pro active and work on solving what you recognise is a problem - make arrangements to do something together (even if it is only a weekend trip to see Simon)That is something you do have in commen.
How about a day trip, or even better, an overnight trip to Shropshire in December? I should think that Shrewsbury would be pretty. You can come and see me as well!
 | husbandorcat [Member] 2005-10-26 @ 14:00 |
Nice theory, and I know you care/have my interests at heart.
BUT can I point out that he was the one who said we would have the talk 'when I got back from Brussels'
And if we don't talk how is either of us ever going to have a clue what the other one wants? Send each other emails??? (Believe me, I have seriously considered that.)
Make arrangements to do something together? Well, I could try that, though I suspect I know in advance what the reaction would be.
And the most interesting question of all in all this, is:
Do I actually WANT to do anything with him any more????
I have an update on what happened yesterady, but have been out all morning so no chance to enter it - maybe later.
2005-10-26 @ 22:23
Yet again, he's shwowing you that HE has all the power and that's the only way he likes it.
| husbandorcat [Member] 2005-10-27 @ 04:57 |
Agreed. He doesn't think I CAN or WILL do anything. Which is why my next step is to get legal advice.
which i will do... when I feel a bit braver.
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2005-10-26 @ 13:50