What if...your husband says he is leaving, and you feel... excited? ...you realise he’s bluffing, and you feel... disappointed? ...you look at your life and think... how the hell did I end up here? ...you look out at the big wide world, and feel... fascinated, and terrified all at once? What do you do? You start a blog, of course. Obvious, really.
The kitten usually sleeps on our daughter's bed. Last night, she was not here (staying at a friend's).
So... I decided that the kitten should sleep in our room - and as hubby obvious+ly would not want to be there if she was there, I made up our son's bed for him (son is away at uni).
Wow! Interesting stuff. I just thought I'd let you know that someone out here is listening. How do you feel about a bit of amateur thinkology, from male perspective?
Here goes: You got the first cat without consulting him, it was a bit of an imposition but he put up with it and grew to like it. Do I read things right that he's having to work very hard at the moment (threats to his job security ... feeling powerless?). If so, then putting his foot down is a way for him to feel that he does matter, that he isn't insignificant. Like us all he needs to feel loved - maybe he's jealous of the kitten getting all the love (again!).
I he jealous of you and your job - does her perceive you as more successful than him?
Nothing is static, most of us take too much for granted in our relationships - especially once they've matured and become a habit Mid-life crisis time for him. Remember, we're all kids at heart, and most of us blokes still appreciate lots of t.l.c.
Way to go, I still think she should let hubby sit on her lap a bit more often, most men at heart are very insecure or why would they have married?
 | husbandorcat [Member] 2005-10-27 @ 04:49 |
Yes, i think you're probably absolutely right about all of that. The question is how I can respond, and whether it is worth it (see my responses to Chris below). I feel I have been giving him tlc for years without getting - dare i put it - 'my emotional needs met' - and now I am getting all this crap. I wanted to leave 10 years ago (think my MLC was permature and his long overdue!) but in the end I stuck it out and tried to be 'a good wife' and make him happy. Maybe now is just the time to call it a day - we are not the people we were, and we are no longer right for each other, we have raised two wonderful kids to the grand old ages of 19 and 16-and-a-half, and it's time to move on before we hit our dotage.
OK, I am new to this blog thing, WHO is "scoffle"? AND, do we KNOW who I replied to? (KandAmoist) It's a bit scary this blogging business. I am not even up to speed on internet shopping let alone sharing my innermost thoughts with.....anybody! Should I get a screen name???
He definately needs taking in hand, as I have said before, we would put up with all this crap from our kids so why do so from our husbands? Having said that,we (rarely) leave our kids nor do we kick them out of the house.....
| husbandorcat [Member] 2005-10-27 @ 04:37 |
Chris, i love you dearly, but you really don't have a clue how serious this thing is. Assuming you mean 'we would NOT put up with this crap from our kids', how exactly is one supposed to 'take him in hand'? (well, apart from the obvious, but I really can't be arsed with that any more.) I am telling you exactly what he is saying and doing. We (you and I) had this conversation earlier in the year - how am I supposed to control his behaviour and responses? All I can do is try what I can and see how he responds. I have tried lovey dovey stuff, i have tried to get him to talk, I have suggested Relate, I have tried to let him stew in his own juices, I have tried offering concessions...
Occasionally a little voice in my head says: 'you can't leave him now, when he obviously really needs you...' F*** that. I have stuck with him for years, out of guilt and a sense of obligation, knowing that the relationship wasn't working for me but thinking, well, at least he's happy...
his attempts at communicatoin are pathetic. If he wants to talk to me about his work and financial pressures, I will listen, but I can't force him to do it. If he wants to tell me this is all about the bloody cat, then I will repsond in the way that seems most appropriate - that no sane or rational person makes this fuss about a cat.
and my feelings in all this, when honestly faced with that stark chioce, are: no contest, it's the cat every time. Now what does that tell you about our relationship??? And what is the logical repsonse to that???
PS I agree that sharing all these feelings with whichever random strangers happen to read it is bizarre - but you have to admit this is a bizarre situation. (and it really is this bizarre, though you constantly seem to be looking for sensible explanations and solutions). The blog started as a way of just getting my feelings out (you know me), I would have written it anyway, but in the middle of the night it suddenly struck me - 'how the hell do you set up a blog?' I thought, and was amazed at how easy it was. And it is anonymous. And it's interesting to see how it's developing. And actually it's an easy way of telling other people exactly what has been happening - I just point them here. A damn sight easier than going through the whole sorry tale every time.
Even though we're all random strangers who read, it seems to me like you're the sort of sensible, intelligent woman who will make up her own mind anyway, which is how it should be of course.
You can't make other people behave how you want them to, you can only show them how you insist upon being treated, and that might mean taking yourself out of the picture or taking steps to make sure they are taken out of the picture.
I don't think you need to justify this blog. Whatever helps. Life is hard. *hugs*
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2005-10-26 @ 17:39