Last night, after dinner, I told him once again that we needed to have this talk. The conversation (‘rant’ might be a better word, as I did not have much opportunity to make a contribution), lasted 10 minutes tops and the gist was something like this:
The reason for his behaviour is entirely due to the fact that I went ahead and got a kitten despite him saying on numerous occasions that he did not want one. His reasons for not wanting it are as follows:
· We are in financial difficulties and cannot afford another mouth to feed.
· Looking after a cat takes time, and there are too many jobs which need doing around the house to waste time on a cat (but not, apparently, on watching American football and motor racing).
· That our son should have been consulted before such a momentous step was taken (how does he know he wasn’t? Actually, I had mentioned it to him and he was happy with the idea.)
(Before somebody points out, ‘Aha, financial difficulties, that’s the REAL reason, please bear in mind that I am only quoting here, not saying that I believe any of this crap. However, apart from saying ‘you are a liar’, there is not a lot I can do in response.)
I asked why he hadn’t explained these reasons beforehand, instead of just saying ‘We’re not having another cat’ in response every time the subject was raised. Apparently he ‘didn’t know I was serious’ – what, not even after I went out and bought the litter tray???
I pointed out that I had offered to get rid of the kitten, but he replied that that ‘would not have been fair on the kitten’, and that our daughter would never stand for it – he was right there.
I asked what he meant when he said the relationship was ‘fixable’, and what his suggestions were for fixing it. He said he only said this because he didn’t want to go to Relate, and that he actually didn’t think it WAS fixable – something we agree on at last.
He then proceeded to say that he cannot afford to move out because of the cost of upkeep of this house. I then said that obviously we will have to sell the house, to which his response was, we cannot sell the house because it needs too much work doing on it.
This appears to be his trump card, as he then walked out of the room – end of conversation.
My next concern is that, prior to getting legal advice, we should speak to our son – face to face, not be phone or email. He is at uni about 100 miles away. I think we should go together to see him, this will be a first as in the year he has been there we have never visited him in term time, but it must be done. I don’t want to have to do it on my own. I think I might have to send hubby an email to suggest that we go together.
In the mean time, I have taken off my wedding ring.