That's a fabulous rose, just exquisite - thank you for sharing that with me! Made me feel a little less Novembery. I know what you mean about the gardening, I seem to have lost track of things a bit and every now and then I go out and tackle something out of guilt!

All the little irritations seem to gang up together sometimes - sorry to hear about the job thing, just when you really need a bit of a boost.

Hope some weekend sunshine smiles on you.

Jojo

I've not read the comments that the last few posts elicited, but - for what its worth - here's my (male) take on the situation.

He is demonstrating that he CAN behave with more thoughtfulness towards you than he has done recently. But what is his natural state within your relationship? And, more importantly, what is yours? Because you will both settle back to those natural states once this current disturbance settles. That's what'll happen unless you make some major changes to the way your relationship works - and that's why your going to Relate. It might make a difference, and its worth trying - if indeed you truly want to save the marraige.

But the real question is - do you really - both of you - want to fix things? Or is fear the reason that you're both not yet walking away from the marraige?

It seems to me that you will find it easier to walk than he would. Indeed, his reaction once he realised you weren't going to give in to his selfish behaviour, and would call his bluff gives the game away. Of course the situation might well be different if one or both of you had a lover to go to, or at least the knowledge - from having had a lover recently - that should you want you could indeed find another partner. This "option" sounds as if it would be more useful to him than it would be to you. However, in my view it is better to walk away from a relationship because it is "bad" than run to a relationship because it seems to promise something better.

I would like very much that you add your blog to the ilikeblogs directory at www.ilikeblogs.com

Please take a look at the site. There is no charge.

Steve

What I meant was that you seem to be more independent and have given cohesive thought to the situation. You would probably be fine on your own (by your own admission). He, on the other hand, seems to be more needy, and thus might benefit from believing that he could land another partner were you to split. So, had he had an affair recently, it might have encouraged him to actually break with you, as opposed to merely bluster about it. You called his bluff and he got scared of the reality of a split.

Hey, don't be too hard on yourself. We all sell ourselves one way or another. It's the human condition. The issue is to make sure that we get the best possible deal.

But it doesn't help you when, at this time especially, you are forced to find some fiscal value in your relationship (as you must if you are going to "split") and you see that he has contributed more financially than you have. It's hard to put the bearing & rearing of children & being a home manager into that equation. But these days the law is finding that it can be done.

The thihg that's holding you back then, is fear. ("I won't be able to support myself or my kids"). So maybe the first thing to do is to get a job ... any job, so long as it could pay some reasonably frugal bills. Then you'll know you can hack it on your own.

But if this sounds all very sensible ... bear in mind it's coming from a man who realised three or four years after he married that he'd made a mistake, but who wasn't brave enought to walk away at that time.