I have felt for a long time that it is my inability to bullshit, to manipulate the world, that accounts for my failure to actually get anywhere. I once told my Erstwhile Male Best Mate that he was good at bullshitting, and he was quite offended, but it was a compliment in a way. I define bullshit as being able to respond immediately to what someone else has said, whether or not you are perfectly confident of what you are saying – it is not necessarily a bad thing, it’s part of being decisive, and it’s a skill I really envy, because I am so hopelessly crap at it. I hate being in a situation where I have to talk to people spontaneously. I hate saying anything if I’m not 100% confident. Even when it’s something you would think I should know a lot about and have opinions about, I sometimes find it difficult. For example, yesterday someone asked me about the creative writing course I’ve been doing and I didn’t know what to say. I hate that feeling, that ‘What the hell do I say now?’ It’s like the ability to make small talk, to chat to people, whether you know them or not, to put them at their ease (I originally wrote ‘at YOUR ease’, which is probably quite Freudian, as that is really what it’s about, about ME being at MY ease with them. )
Paradoxically, I think I probably come over as over-talkative at times, because I have spent so much time down the years wondering what to say, that I have a tendency, when I can think of something, to go ahead and say it.
More and more with these ‘life skills’ I’m beginning to think, well, this is how I am – do I necessarily want to become better at bullshitting? Can I please just focus on being who I am, and not feeling I have to try and reshape myself?
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Bovine excrement
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god i thought this was just me! I call it the gift of the gab and some people are just so blinking great at it but not me. i get too self concious if i talk too much, but I am working on it still. not to become gifted at gabbing but just to speak up a bit quicker and with more confidence i suppose. P
I know where you're coming from, as I have the same problem. I have, at 44, decided to concentrate on what I CAN do, not what I CAN'T. I'm crap at verbal communication (or think I am), therefore I concentrate on practical matters which I'm great at. There are enough people with the 'gift of the gab' who can't change an electrical plug etc. to make life interesting. btw Listen to all these 'articulate' people and think about what they are actually saying. Half the time it is drivel (like this comment 
...)
 | GoingSomewhere [Member] 2006-03-28 @ 02:04 |
That first paragraph could have been written about me. I sometimes find it very difficult to verbally communicate with other people - it's partly to do with not wishing to appear a fool. Even here sometimes it's difficult, but at least no one knows how long it takes me to think of something to say here.
 | husbandorcat [Member] 2006-03-28 @ 10:19 |
Yes, that's it isn't it? I'm happy writing stuff down, because I can think it through and in the end I don't have to show it to anybody else - it's my choice. But having to respond immeditately to somebody is different entirely - my mind goes blank and I end up umming and ahhing and feeling like a complete idiot. I often woonder why anybody persists with me at all.
| GoingSomewhere [Member] 2006-04-04 @ 00:06 |
The reason anybody persists with you at all is that a)they love you; b)they find you interesting; c)both of those things. I think we often tend to have a worse opinion of ourselves than do those around us.
2006-03-29 @ 15:03
I empathise with what you are 'saying', though I think that you shouldn't be too hard on yourself because I doubt that you bullshit very much at all.
To me bullshit is a ludicrously false statement usually designed to get a person some advantage over another, while on the other hand playing the devil's advocate is presenting an alternate point of view - just to see whether it will fly...
Saying whatever comes into your head at the time is simply a creative process, and I doubt whether you think it will gain you any advantage, other than to fill a potential silence ..
There you go - that's bullshit
2006-03-29 @ 15:05
K then I take it back!!
Cos the title of your blog is.. erm... hem...
obviously bullshit...
| husbandorcat [Member] 2006-04-02 @ 14:32 |
Maybe this is a male interpretation of bullshit, which might explain why my friend was so offended by something which I thought he would take as a compliment (he certainly seemed to be quite proud of his abilities in that area). To me it means something closer to ‘the gift of the gab’, the ability to talk confidently and convincingly even when you’re not sure of the facts – whereas I struggle to do that even when I AM sure of the facts. Maybe if I could do that my life would have turned out differently, but I can’t and it didn’t so that’s that.
 | jojo52 [Member] 2006-03-30 @ 21:47 |
Well there's bullshit and bullshit. I envy anyone that can articulate what they want to say and do it effortlessly. My vocabulary seems to elude me when my mouth opens!
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