Monday, 22 May 2006, 4:16 AM
Hmm, 34 visitors, 165 pageviews, not one comment. Think I have stunned everyone into silence.
I know, ‘it’s not about the stats…’
Am trying to be positive and ‘embrace’ my insomnia. I have emptied the dishwasher, sorted out the washing, oiled the kitchen work surface. Maybe I can turn into an obsessive cleaner in the wee small hours, kill two birds with one stone.
I can see that conceptualising and naming something as a Problem will turn it into one. But on the other hand, how am I to consider my attitudes and feelings about life? Should I just ignore them and hope they’ll go away, pretend they don’t exist and that I’m perfectly happy and that all is for the best in the best of all possible worlds?
Am I over-dramatising my insomnia, my poor self image, and my unhappiness? Am I turning myself into a victim? I have been told that before: ‘You’re not a victim, but you act as though you are’. But isn’t that a ‘Problem’ in itself? Given that that is how I feel and how I have always felt, isn’t it a good thing that I’m acknowledging it and trying to find ways to change it?
Do I have a Real Problem that I need to do something about, or don’t I? Obviously, it is all about what goes on in my head, but how can you change that? Not by just wishing it to be so. Maybe by taking drugs, though they have never helped me in the past. And somehow, that seems like a cop-out, not a real solution.