To London, for the Royal Geographical Society conference.
I hate packing. Get out my Presentation Skirt, and notice that the hem has come down at the back. Pull out the other Smart Black Business Skirt – I don’t like that one so much because it’s a funny length (mid-calf), but it will do. Luckily, a little voice says ‘try it on’. OK, the zip must be done up – no it isn’t - JEEESSSUSS – no way THAT’S going over my hips. So, how bad does that hem look? Hmm, this one doesn’t want to do up either… OK, it’s done, look in the mirror…. Surely I can’t have put THAT much on in 6 weeks? Looks like it’s the black trousers, then…

Woke up at 3:30, did the yoyo thing for a couple of hours (get up, read for half an hour, back to bed, try to get to sleep for half an hour, get up, watch telly for half an hour, back to bed...) till the alarm went off at 5:30, after that, of course, I felt I COULD have gone back to sleep, but at my last visit to the clinic I was told not to let myself do that as we are trying to train my brain to sleep to a regular pattern.
So, came on to check my emails and found I had 32 new messages, ALL of which were spam!!!
Was trying to decide whether I am getting the full 6 and a half hours sleep half the time, think it's probably only about a third.
well, it has to get better.... doesn't it?

Just in case there are any fans of Melinda out there who haven't caught on yet, she now has a new blog,
http://www.melinda-in-surreality.blog.co.uk/
the password for the previous one having been lost forever in the darkest reaches of cyberspace...

‘Those who follow Tao strive for perfection, but they are wary about being called prophets. That is a limited role. Being a prophet represents a great trap baited with the temptation of self-importance. The ultimate aim of following Tao is to transcend identity. Those who call themselves prophets or even masters maximize their identities.
It is far better not to be a prophet, and to eschew the responsibilities, limitations and temptations. It is far better to be obscure and to be thought stupid.’ (365 Tao, no 233).

I’m of the generation who were brought up to think that modesty is a virtue, and that anyone who goes around blowing their own trumpet will (and deserves to) get shot down in flames. It is very hard for me to say anything boastful about myself, I feel awkward doing it, I feel it’s morally wrong (whether or not it’s factually correct), and I know that someone will respond by trying to make me feel small, because that is what happens to people who puff themselves up. So I hate to put myself forward as some sort of ‘expert’, even in circumstances where I think I might know better than others. ‘It is far better to be obscure and to be thought stupid’.
And then I constantly get criticised for being self-deprecating and not assertive enough. I just can’t win.
I know the answer is not to care what other people think. But I’m also of the generation who were raised to believe you should always put other people’s feelings and wants before your own. And that is not something which can be easily transcended, not without a huge backlash of guilt and self-disgust. And then I get criticised for being on ‘a guilt trip’, and accused of some kind of perverted, inverted egomania. I am trapped within who I am, damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

What the HELL has happened to The Archers???
I’m all for gritty realism, but…
First we had Alistair’s gambling addiction; then Tom getting on the wrong side of the country show mafia; then Robert losing his job; then Adam and Ian falling out over Ian’s plan to have a baby with Mads; then Ed coming back as a drunk and a crack addict…
And don’t you just know that these ‘tests’ Ian has to have are going to show up something seriously nasty??? (or, at least, they’ll string us along for a few weeks making us think they will - but it'll all work out in the end).
And now Sam is trying it on with RUTH of all people????
Now, I live in a small village, and I know the rural idyll is not all it’s cracked up to be, but honestly…