‘Those who follow Tao strive for perfection, but they are wary about being called prophets. That is a limited role. Being a prophet represents a great trap baited with the temptation of self-importance. The ultimate aim of following Tao is to transcend identity. Those who call themselves prophets or even masters maximize their identities.
It is far better not to be a prophet, and to eschew the responsibilities, limitations and temptations. It is far better to be obscure and to be thought stupid.’ (365 Tao, no 233).
I’m of the generation who were brought up to think that modesty is a virtue, and that anyone who goes around blowing their own trumpet will (and deserves to) get shot down in flames. It is very hard for me to say anything boastful about myself, I feel awkward doing it, I feel it’s morally wrong (whether or not it’s factually correct), and I know that someone will respond by trying to make me feel small, because that is what happens to people who puff themselves up. So I hate to put myself forward as some sort of ‘expert’, even in circumstances where I think I might know better than others. ‘It is far better to be obscure and to be thought stupid’.
And then I constantly get criticised for being self-deprecating and not assertive enough. I just can’t win.
I know the answer is not to care what other people think. But I’m also of the generation who were raised to believe you should always put other people’s feelings and wants before your own. And that is not something which can be easily transcended, not without a huge backlash of guilt and self-disgust. And then I get criticised for being on ‘a guilt trip’, and accused of some kind of perverted, inverted egomania. I am trapped within who I am, damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
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2006-08-21 @ 17:46