Now I want to describe my second counselling session.
I went along, prepared to say some of the things I thought about after last week – in particular, that I wasn’t sure this was right for me, that I hadn’t done a lot of research into what was available but had gone to Relate because I knew about it.
She started to laugh and said: ‘This is exactly what you told me last week about what happens with your relationships’ – and I realised she was dead right, I grab whatever seems to be easily available, then fret afterwards that I didn’t make the right choice, that I was too hasty, that there might be ‘something better’ out there that I’m missing out on…
Then we got on to talking about what we could do. She said she could help me to look at and think about my relationships because, of course, that is what Relate is all about, but that through that we could also look at my relationship with myself, which is at the crux of everything.
She also said a couple of other really perceptive things (why should that surprise me? That’s her job after all!) We talked about how I always look for the ‘aaah, but…’. In everything I do, there is always an ‘aaaah, but’. But this doesn’t only apply to my personal life, it’s the basis of my whole intellectual approach, looking at uncertainty and causality and the multitudinous ways things find of going wrong. Murphy’s Law is my credo, and the back-of-a-fag-packet summary of my PhD thesis is: ‘Shit happens, but nobody does anything about it till it hits the fan’. I'd never actually made that connection between the personal and the intellectual until she asked me about it.
In the course of this, she asked what impact I thought this attitude to the inherent uncertainty of life might have on my relationships, and when I thought about it like that, it made me realise that it would probably make it very difficult for me to trust people…
So, there was other good stuff in there, and it was a generally very positive session. And I’m going back again on Thursday
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Counselling 2
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good counsellors are hard to find.....
got used to her accent yet?
I have to struggle the other way.
Cut glass gets the hairs on the back of me neck lifting....
are you still with hubby btw?
 | husbandorcat [Member] 2006-09-25 @ 05:41 |
Yes, still with Hubby, largely because it was too scary and complicated to extricate myself and do anything else.
And anyway, my problems are really with me, not him, and wherever I went, I'd still be there.
Hence the counselling.
Still got the cat as well, tho.
well, that's good: it takes time to establish rapport with a counsellor. i came away from my first counselling session with all kinds of misgivings, because it had really upset me. i've not been able to go for a secod session as the problem with my jaw kicked off again, and required going to the dentist instead of counselling... :-( [whimpers]
they're clearing looking for continuities in our lives, and why certain traits persist. for me, i guess, it's how i deal with stress...it's so complex and will probably take many sessions to unravel.
hope the next session goes well
all best,
trolly x
| husbandorcat [Member] 2006-09-25 @ 05:38 |
Ouch!!!
Hope the jaw is feeling better.
xxx
 | rishansid [Member] 2006-09-25 @ 05:42 |
if u ask me,the best solutions for any problem doesnot always come from the best counsellor nor from one's best friends.....but from oneself...introspect and ask oneself what i have been doing and what i must do,and i bet u'll get all ur answers.....others can just facilitate to u doing that
| husbandorcat [Member] 2006-09-30 @ 06:25 |
I have introspected so deeply in my time I’ve practically come out the other side (see the post ‘Here be Dragons’, among others:
http://husbandorcat.blog.co.uk/2006/05/26/here_be_dragons~831184
I have tried to fill the hole in my psyche with counselling, work, alcohol, sex, children, studying, food, writing, anti-depressants, yoga, shopping, exercise, affairs, gardening, hypnotherapy, travel, meditation, etc etc etc. I hope I have managed to get over the more counter-productive ones by now, but at this point I think I could do with some help.
 | Kizlode [Member] 2006-09-25 @ 06:51 |
I think I've spent much of my adult life finding the things that might be wrong with situations even before I've gotten into them and then talked myself out of doing anything, in that way I managed to kid myself that I was avoiding disappointment anddifficulties by not doing things that would obviously not work, when really I was just avoiding doing anything that gave me even the slightest chance of getting out of the comfort zone of always being able to say 'my life is crap' and then using that to justify my attitude, behaviour and habits.
Stick with the counselling, if she can say at least one thing every session that really makes you stop and think about your life and how you've lived it, and then you can work together to help you stop doing the 'unuseful' stuff, it's got to be helping. I think that sometimes (and this becomes more true the more counselling you have) a really good counsellor is someone that helps you to realise that you know that answer to a problem and have done all along but just have refused to accept it or do anything about it before, and they help you to do that.
Good luck with it all.
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