Bouncing back - sort of

by husbandorcat @ 18 Apr. 2007 - 08:44:20

After a pretty miserable week, I have crawled back to the horizon (or x-axis – see below) and gained enough perspective to see that what I’ve been experiencing lately is just what I was talking about earlier, only in microcosm. Within the space of a couple of weeks I have gone from elation to despair and back to ‘normal’ again, and the high, which was great, was doomed to crash and burn. And I can also see that most of what happened at last week’s meeting wasn’t about my ideas being ‘side-lined’ but about my own sense of awkwardness at having got caught up in the flirtatious silliness, which made me feel defensive and a bit too confrontational – in fact, I could barely manage to be civil to the guy, despite (or because of) the mournful little voice inside telling me that I liked him as much as ever, and my behaviour was the best way of antagonising him and wrecking our friendship.
So, the good feelings never last, and the only thing that carries me over the bad times is just thinking: ‘Well, the bad times don’t last either’, and they don’t, but it still never feels like that when you’re going through them. And the choice, as I was saying to Suzee a couple of weeks ago, seems to be between staying on an even keel and not getting to the highs, or experiencing the highs and accepting the lows that follow them. I don’t want to reduce the fluctuations if that means I have to miss out on the good times. But wouldn’t it be good if there were some way to raise the whole curve, make it Sin(x)+c, where c>0?

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