Black dog

by husbandorcat @ 09 May. 2007 - 12:53:39

Last night, all the old feelings came back, as bad as ever. So they haven’t gone away, not really, not that I ever thought they would, they’re all still churning around in there. They might be less frequent, and they might not last as long when they’re here, but they’re never going to go away for good, are they? So is that as good as it gets, the best I can hope for? That the bad times might not last so long as they have in the past? Though that has always been variable anyway, there is no ‘typical’ pattern, so how can I know if things are getting better or just a temporary blip?
The fact is, I’m never going to be able to put them behind me for good, that’s just naïve, they are not something I’m ever going to be able to ‘get over’, just something I have to live with.
The only kind of happiness which lasts is the dull, count-your-blessings, mustn’t-grumble acceptance. Flashes of euphoria are fleeting, unpredictable and always come with a price tag.

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