What if...your husband says he is leaving, and you feel... excited? ...you realise he’s bluffing, and you feel... disappointed? ...you look at your life and think... how the hell did I end up here? ...you look out at the big wide world, and feel... fascinated, and terrified all at once? What do you do? You start a blog, of course. Obvious, really.
Well, as usual, it took only a couple of days hanging out with intelligent, interestng people who respect what I say and know how to party to make me feel good and positive about myself and life.
And an equally few days back in the real world to put me back in my place and remind me how completely I am marginalised and ignored, and how crap that makes me feel.
I'm too good for them. But that's not much consolation.
Good to see you here again. Don't let 'them' make you feel like that. You know your worth.
 | husbandorcat [Member] 2007-07-10 @ 10:21 |
Thanks for that.
But it's not so much about knowing my own worth as relishing time spent with like-minded people, and feeling frustrated and bereft that life offers so few opportunities for encounters like that.
Give me a couple of weeks of this though, and the self worth will have evaporated again.
 | GoingSomewhere [Member] 2007-07-10 @ 10:33 |
It is difficult, isn't it? I used to feel like that until I realised it wasn't about them, it was about me. Intellectual stimulation is heady stuff, but it isn't everything. I'm not sure if I'm getting this over in the way I want to, because I know how much you like the intellectual part of life, but I don't suppose there are that many people who are constantly stimulated intellectually by family members. I presume this is who 'they' are. Maybe if you had it all the time you wouldn't get the same high from it.
| husbandorcat [Member] 2007-07-10 @ 11:05 |
Actually, 'they' are the Parish Councillors I work with in my 'day job', I don't have too many problems with my family at present!
I think it's about knowing what you really want to do, and what makes you happy. And though I know no one can experience those highs all the time, it does make me realise why my everyday life makes me so fruustrated and unhappy.
And yes, I can generate my own intellectual stimulation (if I can find the time), but nothing really matches that buzz of spending time with like-minded people - I need someone to bounce ideas off.
But no doubt I'll soon get back to being resigned to life as it.
| GoingSomewhere [Member] 2007-07-10 @ 11:29 |
I'm glad that it wasn't your family you were referring to. It's very difficult to work with people who don't appreciate what you have to offer and no wonder you're frustrated and unhappy.
I think your problem is that there aren't that many people around who are on your intellectual level, consequently you're always going to be short of that buzz. It is sad that you have to be resigned to this and I wish I could offer a soloution. I wish I was your equal intellectually, but sadly (for me) I fear I am not. This will be why I don't always respond to your posts - because I just don't know what to say in such a way that I don't come over as a complete fool.
| husbandorcat [Member] 2007-07-10 @ 11:50 |
I'm so sorry, now I feel as though I am coming over as horribly arrogant!
I don't mean to be, and actually the Parish councillors are perfectly nice people who in many ways I get on very well with. I just had a bad meeting last night.
But I do get this feeling of being different from other people in my interests - not better, just different - which is why I feel frustrated, and excited when I meet people who do share those interests.
But just acknowledging those feelings makes me sound so full of myself, when if anything I have always been more inclined to be ashamed of feeling that way and think of myself as 'weird'.
| GoingSomewhere [Member] 2007-07-10 @ 12:33 |
Don't worry you don't come over as arrogant at all. It's me not putting things over in the right way. I'm afraid I've now put you in a position where you feel you have to justify yourself, and I'm sorry - it wasn't my intention at all. I think you tend to be more open when writing about your feelings than most people here, and I really like that. I know you try to play down what you are a lot of the time away from here because that is what is easier. Being 'weird' is a bit difficult and I can identify with that, although my weirdness isn't so much intellectual as just weird. Now you'll be thinking I'm some sort of social misfit. That's it, I'm digging myself further into a hole, so I'll stop now.
| husbandorcat [Member] 2007-07-10 @ 13:47 |
Let's face it, we're all social misfits, or why would be blogging 
I think you and I are similar in lots of ways, the main one being that we always worry about the effect what we say is having on the other person. That is why we like blogging - those fears are easier to deal with here than when the person is in front of you.
| GoingSomewhere [Member] 2007-07-10 @ 14:10 |
I quite agree. I can't help wondering how many people are actually perfect fits socially. Probably not as many as we imagine.
I recognise the similarity too. I think that's partly why I like to read what you have to say.
| husbandorcat [Member] 2007-07-10 @ 14:27 |
After half a century, I've come to the conclusion that the best way to avoid being a 'misfit' is to seek out the people who 'fit' with me!
Sadly, they seem to be few and far between - which gets us back to my original post, I think!
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2007-07-10 @ 09:22