The Meaning of Life

by husbandorcat @ 27 Apr. 2008 - 05:50:11

It was good being out in the garden yesterday. I enjoyed the sunshine, got some weeding done, and found some inspiration for my novel.
It’s great when the words flow like that, there is no better feeling in the world – bar none. Life is wonderful when it feels like that.
But this morning, I’m not so sure. I’ve been awake since 4:30, I tried lying in bed and observing my thoughts, not engaging with them. I think I’m getting better at that. A comparative, judgemental term. But if you limit yourself to thinking in a purely non-judgemental way, how can you really understand anything? How can you appreciate anything? Even saying ‘thinking judgementally is bad’ is judgemental. You can lose yourself in a tangle of thoughts that can’t be unravelled, because there is no starting point.
My mind is restless, but it gets fixated on things, it gets trapped, the flow of my thoughts falls into a gyre and goes round and round. ‘The slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe’. ‘Round and round I go/Down and down I go...’
What is the answer? Does there have to be an answer? No, of course there doesn’t. That assumes a much more benign, less chaotic view of the universe than is really plausible. If I believe that the world follows its own paths, dictated by cause and effect, chaos and randomness, and that meaning is only imposed by the observer, then I have to accept that there is no guarantee that anything will ever be resolved, no karma, no just reward for our actions. What does that mean? That the onus is back on us to create order, to make meaning for ourselves? To find a life we want to live and live it, because this is the only chance we have.

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