One of those mornings when I really don’t know what to write about. The pain in my tailbone doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Probably because I sit on it too much, but I don’t see how I can avoid that. Some things you just can’t do anything about. ‘What cannot be cured must be endured’.
Seems like there are two sorts of people in the world, the fixers and the... non fixers??? Active people who see things and are always wanting to change them, fix them, make them better, or at least different. And those who accept that things are as they are, that you can’t always have exactly what you want, that not all problems can be resolved, that all actions have consequences, and if you try to make something better you might end up just making it worse, so maybe better to leave it alone and... and anyway, what can you do about some things, which are just so big that you are powerless against them? No prizes for which group I fall into. Is it just laziness? It can probably seem that way. Or fear of the consequences, of the unknown, of making things worse than they already are, better the devil you know? Uncertainty about starting to go down a path and then finding that it’s not how you thought it would be, but now you’re committed, so you have to keep going. Better perhaps not to even start.
Because making decisions, taking actions, is a dangerous business. Of course, not making a decision, failing to take action, is a decision in itself, which has its own consequences. But as long as you don’t open the box, you haven’t closed down the possibilities, the cat may be alive, the cat may be dead, everything to play for. (Which reminds me, Ran never did give a satisfactory explanation for the puzzle about the boxes and the £1000, I’m quite prepared to believe there is one which I’m missing, but I’d like to know what it is). But then, if you don’t open the box, eventually the cat will starve to death, or suffocate, or die of terror, or boredom, bet Schrodinger never thought of THAT one, did he, hmmm???
And maybe there are enough fixers in the world already, people who try to bully you and make you feel guilty for your inaction. They make me feel defensive and confused, and occasionally to jump into some kind of impulsive action for the sake of it, without proper thought, and it turns out wrong, and I wish I’d never listened to them in the first place.
Only a fortnight since I was in Brussels, that bright (but cold) Saturday morning when I set off alone and wandered the empty streets, looking for breakfast, inspiration, incidents, art, something a little different from the everyday: surreality, in a word. Oh, and hot chocolate . Two weeks from today I’ll be in Telford (or in transit from Oxford to Telford), and the week after that, Hungary. I finally got round to uploading all my photos onto Facebook last night, but I still haven’t blogged all the stuff I wrote in my notebook. If I remember correctly, I got as far as that Saturday morning, window shopping.
It’s a nice morning today. I could get dressed and go out, wander the streets, or rather, the countryside. That can be fun too, but I wouldn’t find a hot chocolate without getting in the car and driving somewhere, or making my own. Maybe that is part of the enjoyment in Brussels. Waking up in the middle of a city is very different from waking up in the middle of the country. The possibilities are different.