I tried to do an unguided meditation this morning, but it was hard to settle and focus, my thoughts wandered as they had been dong for the previous hour or so while I lay awake in bed. Yesterday evening I thought the pain in my tailbone was getting better, probably because I spent most of the day either gardening or cooking, rather than sitting on it, but it has come back again this morning. If sitting on it is stopping it from healing, I’m not sure what I can do about it.
Not even 6 yet, and here I am staring at the screen. If I went back to bed now, I would probably fall back asleep, after all, I’ve been awake for two hours. Should I do that, switch off the alarm and give in to it? It doesn’t really help though, does it, having a lie in? It just disrupts the pattern even more. But it’s tempting. Maybe I will when I’ve finished this.
But I need to write another 300 or so words before I can let myself do that. Then I’ll post this and check the emails. See if I have any comments to respond to. If not, maybe I will go back to bed.
I was thinking the other day about the difference between writing when you just write anything and let it all come out in a flood, and writing when you have something specific you need to write about. The latter is the real challenge. There’s a problem of confidence – when you don’’t know what you are going to write or how to express what you need to say, you want to get it all sorted out in your head beforehand, it’s intimidating to think of just sitting down at the keyboard, because what if it isn’t there and it doesn’t come out?
I’m not doing very well this morning, even though I’m not trying to write about anything specific. In fact I think I was drifting off to sleep sitting here, I was thinking about Brussels, remembering the last evening we spent there, half a dozen of us sitting outside a bar in the square outside the parliament building – I think it’s called Place Luxembourg, but I couldn’t swear to that. Then we walked back to the hotel to meet the others before going for dinner, and winding up in Delirium, the bar we went to on our first ever night there, almost three years ago, and which we’ve been to most times since. On Friday I uploaded my photos to Facebook, and yesterday I was reading everybody’s comments, probably why I’m thinking about it now.
I have mixed memories of that bar, but at least the last ones are happy. There’s a picture of me right back near the start of this blog, my face full of misery after saying goodbye to the Crazy Frog, which was taken there. I still can’t believe I didn’t invite him to my room that last night on Cyprus. Hey ho, it wouldn’t have made any difference in the long run.