I wonder if the coffee’s ready yet. I forgot to switch it on when I sat down to meditate, so I did it just before I came up here, then when I got here I found that although the computer had started up, the tool bar at the bottom of the screen was blank. I tried the power off button, but it would not switch off, and then I tried the reset button but that didn’t work either, it just sat and stared blankly at me, not responding, so that I was unable to do anything. In the end I switched the power off at the socket, and everything died, then back on again and it all fired up and went through the boot up sequence. So now, it is working again. Who knows what causes glitches like that?
Prior to that, I was just thinking, as I always do, about my life and trying to find that place inside myself where I can be happy just for life itself, to forget about desire and longing and loneliness and love, and just say, look, you’re alive, that should be enough for anybody, you can live without those other things, can’t you? Make the most of what you have, because this is what you have and you have got by all these years, stop wanting things you can’t have and be happy for this.
I woke just before 5 and got up. I’m tired, but there was no point in staying in bed, lying in bed awake for hours is the worst thing you can do. I must have had about 5 and a half hours’ sleep, that should be enough, it will have to be. But this evening I will have to concentrate hard because there is a PC meeting.
Now I have coffee, I just went down and got it. There is quite a lot of preparatory work I still need to do for this evening’s meeting, the finance report for a start, it just doesn’t add up and I will have to sort out where the problem lies. It should have been done and circulated in advance of the meeting, but I’ve been focusing on the minutes and actions arising from the other PC meeting last Monday before I went to Hungary, and it just didn’t happen. Not to mention the web design work which I’m supposed to be doing and haven’t even looked at yet. I told them I could start this week, I should at least make contact. But I’ll get it done, I hope they know me well enough to realise that and trust me.
Am I going to be able to take any time off this summer? I’ve had all my trips, they should be enough, they at least get me away from here and out of everyday life, and I have one more to come, in London, though that will be hard work. But I can’t see there being any time for just relaxing and letting go. I just have to be glad to be keeping busy.