Driving back from the Parish Council meeting last night, at about a quarter to midnight, I saw the moon again – only half a moon now, but it must have just risen, because it was huge and golden. It really was an amazing sight. I thought about taking the camera out when I got home, but I’ve taken so many pictures of it lately, and anyway, from here there isn’t a particularly attractive backdrop in that direction.
The moon does seem to have haunted me over the last couple of weeks. It always does, whenever I see it, or even if I don’t, it lurks in the back of my brain. Memories of moons past. It is always changing and always the same, over the years and wherever in the world I go, there it is, waiting for me. Sometimes I don’t see it for weeks, and sometimes, as now, it is insistent, always watching me.
I don’t know what the connection is, but these just lines popped into my head: ‘Night and day,/Under the hide of me,/There’s an oh such a hungry yearning,/Burning inside of me’. Great song. But I won’t be singing it in the show. I don’t do solos, too self-conscious, too little confidence, though sometimes I think my voice isn’t that bad, and maybe I could... But I like being in the chorus. There’s not so much pressure, and usually quite a good spirit of camaraderie, though there can be bitchiness too. The only times I get stage fright are during auditions, when I have to stand there on my own. I love singing. It’s like writing, I do it because I have to, not for anyone else.
The meeting was late again last night, because we started with a visit from two people involved with a major planning application for a business site just outside the village. Not that the PC’s opinion on a planning app carries much weight, but increasingly it seems that developers are trying to sweet talk the locals in advance, to create a good working relationship – or good PR, if you want to put it that way. The actual PC meeting proper didn’t start till 9:15, and then lasted over 2 more hours – we never seem to get through them in less. Hope it doesn’t put off the two new councillors too much. They seem very keen. But there are strict limits on what parish councils can do. They’ll learn.
Getting to sleep at about half past midnight, I slept through till just before the alarm went off at 6 – 5 and a half hours. That’s about average, for me, and at least it was uninterrupted.
Gabriella was confused by my strange sleeping patterns. ‘Aren’t you tired?’ Yes, I’m always tired. But I was waking about 5-5:30 every day, and there was no point in lying in bed waiting for two hours to get back to sleep when it would be time to get up. Actually, the whole time keeping of the camp was so lackadaisical that when the day’s work started most days I was ready to go back to sleep. I did have a nap one day – but naps aren’t the solution. I said to her once, ‘alcohol doesn’t help’, and she said ‘What does help?’ and to be honest I have no idea. I just keep going because – well, what else can I do?