Well, show day today. It will be fun – hard work, but fun. I’m not nervous about going on stage. If I ever did a solo, I’m sure it would be different, but being in the chorus is not that big a deal, there’s not so much pressure on you as an individual. It’s auditions that I hate.
The next show will be the panto, which is done by another company. I’ve never performed in panto, though I was the dame’s personal dresser for a few years when my daughter was doing it. Our group decided to stop dong panto becaue it was so hard finding people who wanted to give up so much of their time around Christmas and New Year. But it was a controversial decision, and a breakaway group formed to do just panto, they will be presenting their third one this year. My daughter was going to go for principal boy – she was the principal boy’s side kick in the last one our group did, three years ago – but now she has this new job she won’t be able to get the time off around Christmas, which is a shame.
Well, what else? Nothing much. The magazine is coming together OK. It needs to be in a fit state to go out to the proof readers by the middle of next week. Pressure. And now all the meetings have started up – after Thursday’s PC meeting, I’ve got another on Monday and a governors’ committee meeting on Wednesday. I made a start on the minutes yesterday, in and around the mag. I really should have got more done, but I allowed myself to get distracted again, as I always do. I need to train myself to focus better. Once I get in to something, I’m pretty good, but it is too easy to drift away into other things and other thoughts, other places. It’s a question of discipline, I suppose.
I slept well, the first time I looked at the clock was 5:40, a good time to get up, and I was in bed by 11. So I had a good 6 hours. If I could do that every night, that would be wonderful. Has the pattern changed enough that it will stick? Oh, who knows? Things change a little, then they revert, then they end up worse than they started, then it feels as though you’re moving backwards, but I guess there is only ever forwards really, even if you think you’re in a circle, something has always changed, in you, in the circumstances, in your relationships.
Hubby seems happier, more relaxed probably, even though he’s back at work now, there isn’t so much pressure on. And maybe his break did him good, even if all he did was watch the Olympics and do the garden. Maybe I could reach out to him now and make things better again for a while. Should I give it a try? Oh, there go the ‘shoulds’ again. Do I WANT to? Not particularly, I still want to make the break. It’s just that staying is so much easier and creating some kind of rapprochement would make that so much pleasanter.