The man is coming to service the Aga this afternoon, so I was supposed to switch it off last night before I went to bed to give it time to cool down. Of course, I forgot, I remembered at 4:30 this morning so I got up then and did it. It is starting to cool down, I can always open the ovens and the plates to get it to cool down more quickly if it doesn’t seem to be going fast enough.
Well, you can tell from that that I was awake early this morning. I got up and read for a while, went back to bed just after 5 and played the ‘fall asleep track’, but obviously I didn’t go back to sleep, didn’t really expect to, got up about 5:40. So at least I have had an early start, not just lying awake in bed - well, only for an hour or so.
Went to writing yesterday morning, I keep going, I don’t know why really, given that I’m not writing at all. I haven’t gone to the afternoon group this term, although I signed up for it, it’s only a tenner, I don’t mind so much if I don’t go.
I went to PC World and bought a headset so I can use skype, the packing was incredibly difficult to get into, I couldn't see a way in to the sealed plastic so I tried to cut it with scissors but it very was thick and hard, the scissors just slid over it, I had to completely hack it to bits. When I’d got into it I realised that it has to be plugged in instead of the speakers, which is a pain in the bum because to change any of the wiring in the back of the computer I have to squeeze behind the bookcases and/or limbo under the desk. So, not a good plan, as I would want the option of using the speakers and not have to use the phones all the time. Should have just bought a standalone microphone. But I can’t take it back now because I’ve destroyed the packaging.
Well, that was only a tenner too. Maybe my son would like it, if he ever breaks his. Annoying, but that’s life.
Back to trying to make the most of life, accepting what comes along. Do other people feel like me? Am I really so special in my unhappiness? Everybody has to put up with crap in their lives. We just have to accept it and get on with it and grab what little fragments of joy might come our way. I don’t see that there’s any other way round it. ‘Life’s a piece of shit/When you look at it’, as Eric Idle says. There is no Get Out Of Jail Free card, no magic wand. The only way to find happiness is to accept things the way they are and not try to fight against them all the time. It’s not Hubby’s fault that he can’t live up to my unrealistic expectations of love, sex and happiness, just my stupidity and selfishness for wanting them. I have to learn not to want them.